How We Got Here (part one)

I realized a few days ago that it was ten years ago that I got very sick with vertigo. It was 2001 and we had just decided to start the adoption process. About five years before I had been diagnosed with Meniere's disease and had suffered the other symptoms of this illness---ear noise and noise sensitivity, hearing loss, headaches, fullness and pressure in the ears. I was doing better and thought we could finally begin our family. Little did I know things were about to get much worse.

The vertigo started slowly but soon became almost constant. I couldn't walk down the driveway to the mailbox without falling. I spent much time in the bathroom (from the nausea) or in the bed reeling from my head spinning. Walking from the bedroom to the kitchen was not easy. Driving was out of the question, so friends had to do shopping for us. Without going into too many details here, believe me when I say it was horrible. Looking back I honestly don't know how I made it. But I did, thanks to the grace and mercy of God, and three years later, the vertigo slowly got better.

It took a while for me to believe I could walk or exercise or do anything on my own without falling face first to the concrete. Little by little I emerged from the safety of my bedroom and house. I remember the first time I drove again. I stayed on local roads and only went to one store. It was so exciting to do my own grocery shopping again!! Several years passed before I had the courage to drive on the interstate.

By this time our dreams of having children were put on hold again. I had been too sick to begin the adoption process. Who would let someone adopt who couldn't even stand on her own just a short time ago? So we settled into our lives, rejoicing that I was better and hoping I would stay better.

Also in that time my husband lost his job of eight years and was unemployed for six months. He finally found a job, but at a greatly reduced salary. We moved closer to his mom, who was diagnosed with leukemia (the worst kind, AML) not long after we moved. I was the only girl in the family (Mark has two brothers) and became her primary caretaker. She went through two years of treatments and passed away in the fall of 2008. She was only in her mid-seventies. What an awful time that was.

Strangely, it was during my mil's sickness that the dream of having kids was rekindled. I remember long discussions with Mark about losing our parents and how we would then become the 'adults.' What would we do? Where would holidays be spent? Who would care if we lived or died? Who would go on after us, the way we would after our parents? Would anyone want my wedding ring if I died?

We talked over and over about adopting, agreeing to pray and pray some more. I vividly remember the day I said to him, "If we are going to adopt, we have to start the process. Tell me what you want to do, and I'll be at peace with your decision." He said he wanted to go forward. So began the decision of which way to go, and finally signing up with the state for foster/adopt classes. Then, another huge interruption...

The tree's roots were taller than the eaves on my house!

We were supposed to start our classes in September of 2008, but hurricane Gustav came instead, stopping just about everything in South Lousiana. In our neighborhood you couldn't drive down any street without one or more trees being down in the road, on houses, in yards, etc. The biggest tree in our neighborhood (said so by the local news who broadcast from our neighbor's yard) fell on OUR house. So began the cleanup, repairs, and almost two weeks without power. Again, our adoption plans were put on hold.

It was about a month after the hurricane that Mark's mom passed away. We were stressed beyond belief and simply worn out, but more determined than ever to have a family. The following January we finally took our first class. At the same time, through a series of events too involved to explain here, we decided to take classes towards domestic infant adoption, as well. We initially thought we were too old to adopt a newborn, but happily found out we were not! We would finish the classes with the adoption agency and the state at about the same time and had to make a decision. Domestic infant adoption it would be, so we began the homestudy process. By this time it was February of 2009.