Oh, Christmas Tree

Every year I think I have the best tree ever. This year is no exception---we do have a beautiful tree. But this year there is something different about the tree, the house, Christmas itself.... EDEN. Am I completely boring everyone with how much I talk about her? Sorry, but it can't be helped!!!

Usually just after Chistmas I go into a semi depression. The fun and excitement is over. All the family get togethers have come and gone. January looms. Winter sets in, as well as my SAD (seasonal affective disorder---it's basically the lack of sunshine and how it affects mood). Anyway,  this year I've been tempted to slide into that old pattern, but as soon as I almost have, God has reminded me of the HUGE blessing who gets to stay! Christmas may be over for now, but the miracle of our lives, our sweet baby girl, will be here with us, in our forever family.

Back to the tree. It must be taken down soon, even though it is still perfect. I usually hate taking down the tree---the living room seems so bereft without this beautiful, green glowing symbol of all that is good. But just as this year flew by, the next one will as well, and I'll get to decorate a tree again, with Eden more aware and excited about Christmas. So January, give me your worst! I'm armed and ready with a perfect, gorgeous baby girl who can make me smile at any given moment. That's all the sunshine and warmth I'll need!

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!

Some pictures don't need an explanation!




I think she liked playing with all the toys!

Sweet cousins fight over who can hold Eden next!

My nieces, Macie and Kennedy

Full Circle

Eden and I spent the day at my mom and dad's in Wilson. The drive to their house takes about an hour and we had a nice drive, listening to Christmas music and enjoying the scenery. My mom wanted some time with Eden and I wanted to help her wrap gifts. It's sort of a tradition and this year Eden got to be part of it. I wrapped presents until my back ached and got a wonderful surprise with something from my childhood.

I've had this rocking chair since I was one, my mom said. For years it stayed in our guest room, waiting for a child of ours rock, sit, and play in it. Finally several years ago I gave it to my mom for my niece, giving up the hope that a little girl of our own would ever make use of it. Well, my niece outgrew it and the chair's been in my dad's shop for a while. At my mom's today my dad brought it up to the house. When I put Eden in it, she immediately started rocking! It was the funniest thing to see. How she knew to do that I just don't know. Maybe she knew it would make us happy?!

My rocking chair will happily be Eden's now, having come full circle after these many years. What a joy!!

It looks really dirty, but it's not!! It's just aged!

The blessed chaos of kids

Eden loved 'wrestling' on the floor with Macie and Hayes

Kissing Hayes. Is this not a happy picture?!

Maybe Cannon licked the knife. I'm not sure.....

Voila!

This past weekend four nieces and nephews came for the annual 'cookie making weekend' at Aunt Stacey and Uncle Mark's. And of course this was the first year we had a child of our own to join in the chaos. Oops, I meant to say FUN!! Seriously, it was fun. On my side of the family we have ten nieces and nephews. Several are older teenagers, so cookie making doesn't rank anymore for them. And another niece was in a Christmas parade. That was okay because I'd pull my hair out if ALL of them were coming!! ; )

A few months ago at my house after Eden's dedication, my niece Macie sat down in front of me with a very serious look on her face. She asked, "Aunt Stacey, are we still going to be able to come spend the weekend and make cookies this year?" I guess she thought that we'd be too busy with Eden to attempt such a thing. Little sweetheart, she is. I said, "OF COURSE," and she grinned from ear to ear! That made me so happy.

Pictured are Kennedy, Macie, Hayes, and Cannon. They are 11, 9, 5, and 5. And can I brag for a minute? They are some of the sweetest, kindest, and most loving kids I've ever known.

A Ton of Grace in One Simple Sentence




Our little piece of heaven---taking care of Eden after she was born

 
In the delivery room just minutes before Eden was born, I had a passing thought that something could be wrong with her. Throughout the previous month as we anticipated her arrival, the only thing I thought may go 'wrong' would be the adoption itself. No matter how confident you feel, there's always that fear, especially if it's happened to you already. A failed adoption. This time seemed different. We had met her birthmom and gone to four doctor appointments with her, even to one sonogram. She had given us a sonogram picture (from an earlier one) in a frame she chose for us at the first dr appt we went to with her. It was a magical moment I couldn't have scripted myself!

Our birthmom chose us from our profile, and her mom and three best friends chose us, too. She was adamant that we become her baby's parents. Really, it seemed too good to be true. The hospital plan was a dream, with her choosing me to hold Eden first, and my husband and I to take care of her in the hospital. Albeit small and a little cramped, we got a room behind the regular nursery where we took care of Eden for those first few days. We relished every minute in that storage closet!! Living five minutes from the hospital made it easy to come home and get a little rest at night, sweet nights they were with little sleep. Nothing else mattered but getting back to her and looking forward to bringing her home.

She was born on a Monday night, and on Wednesday we planned to come home with her. We got to the hospital early, of course, and were met by a nurse who had a concerned look on her face. Of course my mind went to the adoption, that our birthmom had suddenly changed her mind and we'd never get to see Eden again. Panic had almost taken over when a nurse told us they'd heard a heart murmur while checking her during the night. The pediatrician met us a few minutes later and reassured us she wasn't worried at all, that many babies had murmurs and we shouldn't worry about it. But a cardiology consult had been ordered, and after that we could go home. It was already an emotional day, knowing our birthmom would be leaving the hospital before we did, and that she and her mom would come to see Eden one last time. Boy, was that hard. My heart wasn't prepared for those emotions! Little did I know my heart would take a much greater beating in a few hours....

Finally around 5:30 p.m. the cardiologist arrived and explained to us what he'd be doing. They'd take her downstairs for an ultrasound of her heart and be back in about thirty minutes. We coudn't wait for her to get back since we had everything packed up, ready to go home.

When they didn't come back in almost an hour, we knew something was wrong. Dr H came around the corner to our little room and I saw the look on his face. He immediately said something like, "Your daughter has a heart defect and will need surgery." He went on to explain her condition---a coarctation of the aorta---and how they did the surgery only two places in Louisiana, both in New Orleans. I stupidly thought she could have the surgery here in town! No, she'd be taken by ambulance to N.O. that night and surgery would probably be the next day, with recovery being two weeks. I almost fainted. This could not be happening! But I didn't have much time to stop and cry, as we had to go to the NICU right then where she'd been taken so she could get the drugs that would keep her heart functioning properly until the surgery could repair her little heart.

Walking into the NICU where Eden was already hooked up to needles, tubes, and wires, I lost it. I could barely breathe, but a kind nurse helped me hold her in a rocking chair in the corner. That's when I really cried. Over and over I told her how sorry I was. Our perfect world had just been yanked from under us. I kept thinking about her being in pain and how I couldn't feed her. She had taken her bottle so eagerly and without any trouble, but now she couldn't have anything by mouth until long after the surgery.

Anyway, friends came in and cried with us. Nurses checked her over and over until finally the EMT's from Ochsner's got there to take my sweet baby. I could ride with them, but I would have to sit in the front and I couldn't touch her. I decided to ride with my husband, stopping first at home to get some things. I remember driving home, trying to decide what to bring. Would we stay there? How long would it be? Would she be okay? Was this a nightmare? Why couldn't we just come home with our baby like we planned? What happened to my perfect world?!!!

I walked into the house where our dog, Rowdy, greeted me. I collapsed on the floor, sobbing into his fur and saying, "I can't do this! I just can't do this. I've waited twenty years for a child and this is NOT fair," when I promise you, I heard a distinct voice. "You didn't bring her here." What?  "You didn't bring her here." One more time? "You didn't bring her to this earth or into your life." Okay, breathe, stop sobbing, and calm down a little.  No, a lot. Let this register. Basically what God was telling me was that I'd had no control up to this point---Eden was His child, He had chosen her for us and us for her, He had taken care of all the details so far, and had it under control EVEN NOW. He would give me the grace. Wow! Okay, God. I'll trust You. It won't be easy, but I will. Please show me how.

From that point on I knew everything would be okay. God had reassured me of it with one sentence. I didn't know the outcome, how the surgery would go,  how long we'd be there, or how sick she'd be. But I knew He had it all in His care and plan and that we'd walk this out minute by minute, doing what we needed to do. And we did. There were some scary times, but overall she did great! Major surgery, over a week in intensive care, and finally, home. Dr H told us if we'd brought her home that Wednesday, she probably would have died a few days later. We'd have found her and it would've been  too late. Thank you, Lord, for that nurse who heard the murmur!!

I know I'll worry as a mom. I'll probably have many opportunities to panic and freak out, worrying. But hopefully I'll always remember that life-changing moment on the laundry room floor with one simple sentence, full of grace, from my loving God.

In the NICU before going to N.O.---I had no idea someone was taking a picture!

Our Little Beauty

We had pictures taken this week. I can't believe we got it done before Thanksgiving! We ended up with more than 170 shots, so choosing was difficult. Here are a few of our favorites.

She really cooperated in front of the camera---no real surprise there since we all know how much she loves attention!!

My Little Helper

I love to bake! In my other life I own a bakery and serve sweets and coffee to people while we visit at a long counter covered with cakes, pies, cookies, etc. Baking to me is therapeutic. I feel better when I make something sweet and beautiful. And I usually give most of it away. Mark is famous at work for bringing cookies, cakes, pies, and candy that I've made. Oh, I do like to eat whatever it is, but I usually only want a little.

When I'm stirring, mixing, and pouring, I am thinking good thoughts. Music is playing, I'm in a playful mood, and something delicious is on the way. So of course I love the holidays when I have lots of excuses to indulge in this activity!

Lately baking has been extra fun because Eden gets to be with me. Hopefully she'll enjoy cooking as much as I do---she seems to like it so far! What a joy to have her in the kitchen with me. It's a dream come true. Here's my little helper!

Okay, so she really just likes to chew on the measuring spoon!



And yes, we did get something done!



Tailgating Baby

If you'd told me a few years ago I'd have a baby girl and on game days in Baton Rouge we'd take her tailgating at LSU, I'd have said you were crazy! You can't drag a baby around like that! It's not fair to her. But alas, it's true. And she loves it!  Does that make us bad parents? haha 

 A few weeks ago for the LSU/Alabama game we stayed out all day long, starting around ten in the morning. I think we left about five in the afternoon so we could get out before the game traffic. Not once did she fuss the entire day! No one could believe how good she was. I think we have a very gregarious girl on our hands who likes crowds, noise, people, and of course, the ATTENTION! She turns heads all over the place in her LSU tutu, smiling at everyone thanking them for noticing.

Her Uncle Tommy

Tuckered out in her tutu

Brand New

The night she was born

Macy's Meltdown

I cried in Macy's yesterday. Okay, it wasn't a true meltdown, but there were tears. Let me explain. My mom and I went Christmas shopping for the first time together with Eden. She wanted to buy her a Christmas dress, so we went to the baby clothing section. We were oohing and ahhing about all the cute stuff, comparing one adorable outfit to the other, and I just had to stop for a minute. How many times had we Christmas shopped over the years? How many Christmas dresses and suits had my mom bought for my nieces, nephews, and friends' kids? I couldn't count how many. And that's been great! But this was for me and my child!! I stopped, ran my fingers over a beautiful little dress, choked up, and shed a few tears. "Can you believe we get to do this?" I asked my mom. A sacred moment standing there in the baby section of Macy's.

I'm the oldest of five kids. All my siblings, except the youngest, have kids. My sister has four, and both twins have three each. I've been married twenty years, and we all thought I'd have a house full. But infertility got in the way. An inner ear illness also figured in, causing us to give up our dream of ever having children. But God had another plan. And thankfully, it involves a gorgeous baby who gets to wear some beautiful clothes. Mom insisted on buying all three. : )  A long time coming.

First time for everything

Alright folks, I've started a blog. I follow several of my friends' blogs and thought it might be fun to do one myself. I see it as a way to make myself journal. Can this be considered a type of journaling? I can't seem to make myself write in an actual journal with a pen. Somehow this seems easier. We'll see if I actually do this or it falls to the wayside like many other new things I try! At least this doesn't require a financial investment to get started!! lol

I don't know any of the 'rules' for blogging. Maybe someone can clue me in?

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I enjoy looking forward to things. The anticipation of an event is almost as fun as the event itself. I get excited about the holidays starting around September. Oh, I don't do anything, I just like thinking about how much fun they'll be. And then I find myself thinking back, enjoying the memories I have about everything from childhood to last weekend with friends. My point? I spend so much time looking forward and looking back, that I wonder if I'm truly enjoying the present, the now. And there you have my title. A goal, of sorts. Relishing every moment that He gives me, whatever I may be doing, whether it's changing a diaper, throwing the tennis ball for my dog with my baby on my hip, or going on a fantastic vacation. Breathing in the now. Lord help me!